Lesbianne Musings

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FAT GIRL – Part 1

BBW artist Richard Carlson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M5ShRQuMgM&feature=youtu.be POETRY READING BY POET MEGAN FALLEY FROM VANCOUVER

I am a member of a page called Big Beautiful Wellness on Facebook – BBW.  Yes, it is about Big Beautiful WOMEN! ! ! !

The link above came from that page, it is a poem read by a young woman named Megan Falley who was featured at a poetry slam in Vancouver! (I don’t know about you, but for me, more and more about those Canadians is revealed that makes me really like Canadians and Canada!)

She stood there radiant, strong, young and let it all out! I love poetry! One can say so much with so few words! Best Line – “…Fat Girl! Lights ON!”

This was my knee jerk response to that, “LOVE this! what a brave young woman! if only all fat girls had confidence and self-love like this one! ! ! And if only I did 45 years ago when it mattered most! tear…” Tear down my cheeks, clenching tightens around my stomach, heart and throat as I re-experienced the memory of the pain of all those years of my life. Is it any different for fat kids now?

Surely there is a lot more obesity, a lot more health-consciousness, a lot more education available, apparently a lot more bullying, or has the bullying grown exponentially as the obesity epidemic in children increases?

When I grew up in the 50s and 60s it wasn’t nice to say the word “fat”. But I guess it was okay to say the words “tub-a-lard”, “fatso”, “lard ass”, “HOSS!”, “heeeey, HOSS”” and other such phrases because I heard them from age 4 up from the older kids in the village. There is a house on a corner in the middle of the little village that I love. However as a kid I dreaded it because I had to pass by it every time I went through the village from our house to a friend’s house, any friend at all; then back again. And there congregated the older kids in the village, the ones who sat on the steps and started chanting and hooting from the moment they saw me coming until I got out of sight. My mother said, “…if they didn’t like you they wouldn’t tease you. Just ignore them”. That didn’t help me much. As I approached that house I would pray they not be there. That usually didn’t help, either.

Today if I were to tell them of the pain they inflicted so deeply so many years ago, I can almost see them and hear how I think they would respond, “oh, Anne, we was only kids having fun, we was just teasing you. We didn’t mean any harm.” Yeah I think that is what they would say. They would be sincere, too. And you know what? I would believe them, too! And that would not do a thing for the pain suffered so long. Years of therapy haven’t done much, either to heal my wounded self. The only thing that has truly helped is loving myself. Getting from self-loathing to self-love was a very long, long journey, decades long, even half a century long, or even longer. And now I love myself the pain still isn’t gone, but I can bear it now, I overcome it now, rise above it. It faded, but look how quickly remembered! I consciously change my focus to positive thoughts, and breathe through the pain until I feel at peace again.

Where does it start and where does it end? I think respect and caring and examples have to start with adults showing kids the examples, not just telling them, but showing them. And disciplining kids who are seen and heard bullying others. How? I don’t know!

RE: Bullying – I am only going to discuss obesity here, because it is personal, it is something I know well and can discuss as an undeniable expert. Yes, there are all forms of bullying, and I am sensitive to them, and opposed, and want all bullying to stop. My writing is not that of a professional, but of a person who has experienced….experiential, not professional. 

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2 Comments

  1. Ava

    Megan Falley’s poem was a perfect prelude to the subject of your most recent and heart-felt blog post. It is often said emotional scars are the most difficult to heal. Though it has been a most painful journey, the beautiful girl and woman who have always resided within you now shine brightly as an inspiration for others. Thank you for so eloquently reaching into the heart of the matter.

  2. Thank you, Ava, your beautiful words bring tears of gratitude, a reminder of the Light and Hope.
    .

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