Lesbianne Musings

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We (I) Often Don’t Do Anything Because I Pressure ME to do BIG! ! !

ANNE August2014 at Callyns party

I just saw the above thought online from a facebook friend of a friend – love the worldwide Universal community – and I thought wow how true that is for me in regards to my writing. For years I had the desire to write a book that would be a bestseller AND be on Oprah’s Book Club List – I certainly believe I have the story – grin! So guess what – my writing was stymied! Then I started thinking I wonder if this applies in other areas of my life – then I wonder if this is a Universal Human Truth? So I thought I’d write about it and see what comes out/up. Please feel free to contribute to a discussion in replies at end of blog page!

http://www.girlwithcake.co.za/

The above web site was posted on a facebook friend of a friend page with this statement “We often don’t do anything coz we put too much pressure on ourselves to do something big!” I LOVE the web site! And I believe the author and cake maker lives in South Africa which also is where my facebook friend lives! 

How often have I daydreamed about something I wanted to do for myself or for others but I didn’t do it because by the time my daydream was concluded the idea was so big it was a mere fantasy? This used to happen often for me in bed at night – it is how I would put myself to sleep as a young person- getting lost in a daydream. I may not remember particulars on this occasion but I can certainly remember desired outcomes. In those particular daydreams the conclusion is that I would be the BEST of whatever the value was – I would be indispensable, I would be a star, I would be heroic, I would save the day, I would be the favorite – favorite aunt, friend, sister, nurse, employee,  writer, mother and I’m sure many more titles. The outcome was always that I was the BEST – the MOSTEST.

In retrospect I think this reflects some of my personal characteristics such as shyness, sensitivity, low self-esteem, caregiver, neighbor, church member, community member, admirer of Olympic stars – heck why not?! but I do NO sports lol, perfectionist,  kindness, well-intentioned, helpful, rescuer? bleck – no one really wants to be a martyr – do they? martyrs die tortuous deaths,and I’m no saint,  and probably on and on….However a friend gave me something of great value to contemplate today – she said for herself she believes that thinking herself sensitive would serve no one – that she is strong and intuitive – so what do you think of that? I think it might make an interesting blog contemplation. I think it might be possible to be both sensitive and strong and I think my friend is both, as I am – OH to do it justice we were talking about HYPERsensitivity – okay I can see the difference – we need to be sensitive BUT being hypersensitive might cripple us and no one needs that! Well, thank you for “listening” I worked that out!

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