Relationship Bewilderment – Empath vs Narcissist?
Article from Elephant Journal – The Toxic Attraction Between and Empath and a Narcissist by Alex Myles:
I am an Empath. I’m beginning to think I might be a Narcissist, too, or at least have some of those traits. Recent past I’ve been attracted to reading all I can find about the relationships between Empaths and Narcissists. There seem to be a lot of those articles as it seems Empaths and Narcissists naturally attract each other.
I’ve recently been through a brief, intense and rapid relationship that was disastrous and I was left feeling bewildered, traumatized and numb with shock.
Both of us were deeply wounded as children, both have done a lot of healing work. Both are highly intelligent women who are well educated and have well developed personal spiritual practices. We have similar interests and life experiences, we were both looking for a long term relationships and we seemed most compatible. It started “going bad” with a small incident that lead to my being triggered and her being reactive, and vice versa. Crazy-making.
She seems to fit the description of a Narcissist with traits of an empath. One of the things about me she was most attracted to – my compassion for others. She told me early on that she was not a very sensitive or compassionate person and could not ever take care of me in any way. I didn’t see that as truth about her, or perhaps I ignored it. She said she wanted to learn compassion. I do think perhaps in therapy she learned she was a Narcissist and is trying to change to become a more compassionate person. (she said both of her parents were Narcissists).
I think I read that people who are suicidal are seriously narcissistic. Thinking about that I wonder if that was the subjective opinion of the writer, or if that is part of a profile. I’ve had suicide ideation all of my life during my bad depressions – does that make me narcissistic? (she said both of her parents committed suicide)
I’m beginning to believe that I will never solve or completely understand the dynamics of what happened between us. It is very confusing and I cannot see the forest for the trees, at this moment anyway. She said she didn’t want to hear what I had to say and that she wouldn’t understand it. I find myself longing for understanding, and that is something that is a character trait of mine – understanding other people. In trying to understand myself better I’ve learned that some of my qualities of INFP, Empath, and Gemini all have defining characteristics of communication is important and needing to understand others. The need to take care of, even sometimes “fix” others probably is about my being the eldest of 5, and being a natural born caretaker of others.
I think I’d be best off to let it all go and focus on Maitri, building my relationship of love for myself and taking good/better care of myself. I wanted to process and have closure of the relationship but she doesn’t want to, so I’m trying to find closure for myself, and trying to take responsibility for my part in the whole dysfunction that happened. People say Let Go, Move On. Yes my goals but not at all easy.
If anyone has knowledge of this subject please feel invited to shine your light here.